Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
