im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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