16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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