Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
