Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
