I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
