Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
