You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
