you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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