Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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