worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
