It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
