I can't watch pbs sober anymore
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
