i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
