Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
