He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
