you would pick up someone in the library
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
