idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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