I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
