Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
