my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
