Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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