People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
