my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
