Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
