I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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