She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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