Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
