After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
