Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
