Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
