How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
