Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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