You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
