I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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