I want to walk on stilts...naked
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
