I wish I could punch you in the face.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
