i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
