Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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