Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
