maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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