I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I FOUND THE LEGS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
