oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
