You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
