No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
