Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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