Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
