I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
