She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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