bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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