It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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