wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
