Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
